When Responsibility Feels Heavy: A Simple Question to Rebalance

Are you someone who feels psychologically bound to being true to your word? You hate letting anyone down. You love going above and beyond others’ expectations.

Maybe you’ve seen Responsibility in your CliftonStrengths report—maybe not. Maybe you’re a manager, a leader, a parent who thrives on being the one others can count on. Or maybe you just resonate with that pull to follow through.

Either way, this is one of my favourite conversations to have with clients.

In the CliftonStrengths world, we often refer to Responsibility as a two-handed theme. What we mean by that is: if we’re not mindful of how this theme shows up, it can lead to burnout and—ironically—let down the very people we most want to support. That’s the most painful unintended outcome for someone with strong Responsibility: failing others because of overcommitment.

I rarely hear someone say, “I’m not sure why I got this one in my results.”People feel this one deeply.

And when it’s healthy, Responsibility is a gift—one we all rely on. My husband lives and leads this way, and it’s a joy to parent with him. He’s utterly dependable. He doesn’t just show up—he shows up well above and beyond as a Dad.

Lately, I’ve been doing a bit of my own uncovering (ie seeing a counselor) --clearing out the junk that can pile up on top of our talents.

She offered me a simple but powerful framing that’s stuck with me:

“Is this coming from a place of ‘I can and I will’ or ‘I must’?”

It’s a question drawn from a therapeutic framework—outside my lane as a CliftonStrengths coach—but it’s opened up some really rich coaching reflection.

So I’ve been curious: how does that question land for people with Responsibility?Here are a few insights clients have shared:

💡 Responsibility that sounds/feels like “I can”

• When I’m in an “I can” space, I feel grounded and clear. I know what matters most to me—and I say yes to those things.

• “I can” also means I’ve had to say no. I’ve told my manager, “If I’m picking this up, I need to set something else down.”

• I feel excited to deliver. I can't wait to get to that project.

• I have people around me who care about how my Responsibility feels. They notice when I’m stretched too thin, and they're willing to share the challenge with me.

  
  

⚠️ Responsibility that sounds/feels like “I must”

• I’m starting to resent my team. I keep thinking, “Why don’t they help?”

• I feel like the only one holding things together. If I stop, it all falls apart.

• My health is slipping. I’ll deal with it after this project is done.

• I’ve taken on things I don’t even want to do—but no one else will, so I just keep going.

  
  

If any of this hits home, here are two reflection questions to try:

1. What roles or projects spark energy in me right now? Where do I feel an invitation of “I can”? Can I spend even 10 more minutes a day on one of these?

2. What am I doing out of “I must”—and wish I could let go? Is there one thing I could set down in the next month?

   
   

If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your story—or walk with you as you navigate yours.

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Lacey Blass CliftonStrengths coach

About the author Hi I'm Lacey, a CliftonStrengths coach based in New Zealand. I'm passionate about helping managers and teams thrive, not just survive.

I'm also a creative introvert, wife, mum and an avid fan of both exercise and doughnuts! If you're keen to begin or continue your CliftonStrengths journey, drop me a line or book a free chat